namk le k aa

3 kamchor mil k khana kha rhe the, k namk kam lga,
1bola"jo pehle bole ga wo namk laye ga.
Sb bethe rhe.
na koi bola,
na khaya,

3din ese he guzr gye,
3nu behosh hogye.
Logo ne murda samj kr janaza prhaya.
jb pehle wale ko qabar me utarne lge to
wo bola
"oy mai zinda hu"
Baki 2no bole"chal putr namk le k aa

Student's Life is Like English Movies

School = Jurassic Park.. :)

Principal = King Kong.. :P

Vice Principle = Hulk.. :O

Teachers = Aliens.. =P

Class Guys = Planet of Apes..:P

Class Girls = Charlies Angels..♥

Syllubus = Deep Blue Sea :)

Exam = Mission Impossible =P

Invigilator = Terminator.. :)

Result = 2012 (end of the world) .. 

KHAMBA BACHA ke.

Ek aurat koma main chali gai . . .
Pati murda samjh kr jalane chala ....
Raste main arthi khambe se takrane se
aurat ko hosh agaya...
1 saal bad aurat sach main mar gai . . .

Sab log RAM RAM SATYA hai bolty ja rahe thy
.
Lekin
.
Pati ki zuban pe ek hi baat thi
KHAMBA BACHA ke. .. KHAMBA BACHA ke :-

Ghar me 10 bacche the

LADY: Pandit ji meri shaadi ko 5 saal ho
gaye,
Par, Ek bhi baccha nahi hua!
.
.

.
Pandit: mein Badrinath me tumhare naam
ka
Diya jala dunga.

10 saal baad
.
Pandit uske ghar aaya.

Ghar me 10 bacche the.

Pandit: Mubarak ho!
baccho ke papa kaha hai.....??

LADY: Badrinath gaye hain, Diya
bujhaane.. :

IN 2020 Girl:

Girl: Boy ko dekh kar
.
.
Dekh yar kya item ja raha haisala
oye murgey tera no.

kya hai.........??

.
.
Boy: Behan ji Aap ke ghar me BHAI Baap Nahi hai kya..........??

.
Girl: Bhai Baap hai par tu nahi hai na re chikne.. :P

INDIAN WIFE

Husband: Aaj khane mein kya banaogi?
Wife: Jo aap kaho…

Husband: Pulao bana lo
<
Wife: Abhi kal hi to khaye the

Husband: To sabji roti bana lo
...
<
Wife: Bacche nahi khayenge

Husband: To chhole puri bana lo
<
Wife: Mujhe heavy heavy lagta hai

Husband: Eggs bhurji bana lo
Wife: Aaj mangalvaar hai

Husband: Paraanthe?
<
Wife: Raat ko paraanthe kaun khata hai???

Husband: Hotel se mangwa lete hain change ho jaayega
<
Wife: Roz roz hotel ka nahi khana chahiye

Husband: Kadhi chawal?
<
Wife: Dahi nahi hai

Husband: Idly sambar?
Wife: Usme time lagega. Pehle bolna chahiye tha na..!!

Husband: Maggi hi bana lo, usme time nahi lageg
Wife: Woh koi meal thodi hai? Pet nahi bharta

Husband: Phir ab kya banaogi?

Wife: Wo jo aap kaho……

Education related songs:

SCHOOL- Apni to paatshala masti ki pathshala
TUTION- Idhar chala mai udhar chala
...

MATHS- Ajeeb dastan hai yeh
SCIENCE- Aa khusi se kudkushi karle
GEOGRAPHY- Musafir hoon main yaaro
ECONOMICS-Kyu paisa paisa karti hai,paise pe kyu tu marti hai
EXAM- Zehrelein raatey ninde udd jati hai
RESULT- Jiya dharak dharak
PASS- Aaj mai upar asman niche
FAIL- Jag suna suna lage...:

Bahut Pyar Karoge

Girl :-Tum To Kehte The Ke Tum Shaadi Ke Baad Bhi Mujhse Bahut Pyar Karoge.

Boy :-Mujhe Kya Pata Tha Ki Tumhari Shaadi Mujhse Hi Ho Jayegi.!

Boys kitna compromise kar lete hai

Boy apni classmate se- tum pass ho gayi.....?

Girl- haan 

Boy- muh to meetha karao

Girl- kisse......?..?

.

.

Boy- chalo kiss- se hi karado

Woh kitni galiyan de raha hoga

Train me 1 ladke ne T.T.E. Se
kaha
"Mujhe subah 4 baje patiala utha
dijiye ga,
main na jagu to jabardasti utar
dijiyega. 
Muje subah interview dena hai."
Subah 8 baje ladka jaga to patiala
nikal gaya tha...!
Ladka TTE ko maa bahen ki

galiyan dene lga..!
Logo ne TTE se kaha ke wo apko galiyan de raha hai
aur app chup-chap sun rahe hai.!!
.
.
... .
.
TTE- Main ye soch raha hun ki...
.
.
Subah jisko maine Zabardasti utar
diya hai
Woh kitni galiyan de raha hoga..:

aap samajdar nikle

1 shehar me train se 100 logo ka
accident ho gaya
1 pappu hi bach gaya
.
Reporter ne us se pucha -
ye sab kese hua?
.
Pappu - announcment huva shatabdi
express platform pe aa rahi hai
To sab ghabra kar platform se

kudkar patri pe aa gaye
.
Reporter - toh aap samajdar nikle jo patri pe nahi utre
.
Pappu - ji nahi, me suicide karne
aaya tha announcment sun kar
patri se hat kar platform pe aake let
gaya

Height of Insult..!

Guide: I welcome you all to Niagara falls. 
This is the World's largest waterfall & 
the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, 
even 20 supersonic planes passing by can't be heard..!!
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Now may I request the ladies
to keep quiet so that we can hear the Niagara Falls..!!!

Niche Se Nikal Gaya

Humne 1 MURGA pakda.
.
.
Tokri me band kia par wo Niche Se Nikal Gaya.
.

.
Fir pakda, fir niche se nikal Gaya.
.
.
.
Gussa Aaya.
.
.
Pakda,
.
.
Kaata,
.
.
Pakaya,
.
.
Khaya.
.
.
Sala Fir Niche Se Nikal Gaya.:D

Aag pakad leta.

1 Angrez ne India ka masaledar dinner liya,
.
.
Agli subah toilet se nikalte hi bola...
.
.
.
.
.
" Ab samjha Indians pani se kyu dhote hain,
Saala tissue paper hota to Aag pakad leta. 

wich laptop do u hav?

boy to boy :-wich laptop do u hav?
.
.
.
.
.
Boy :-Dell XPS15,i7 procssr 2.2ghz,
wth led display 4gb ram 1tb hrd disk n 2gb NVDIA grafix crd.
.
.
.
girl to girl-:wich laptop do u hav ?
.
Girl :- pink wala...

Zada chaalak mat ban

1 Beautiful Larki ne Ghar ka kuch Saman 1 Gali k
Ladke se Mangwaya,
.
To saman mein 30 Rs Kam Pad Gaye..Us Larky Ne
Apne paas se De Diye.
.
Ghar aa kr Lrki Se kaha
30Rs kam They, mene Diye Hain.
.
To Larki ne kaha…
*I LOVE U*
. .
.
Wo Muskraya or Kaha - Zada chaalak mat ban mere 30Rs nikaal:D :P

Mujhe tumse koi baat nahi karni!

On the set of KBC...

A guy got stuck on a Rs. 1 crore
question.
He uses phone-a-friend, and
chooses
His girlfriend to ask the answer.

Amitabh: Hey, you've got 30
seconds
To answer and your time starts
now!

Boy reads out the question and
the 4 options.

Girl: Mil gaya time tumhe phone
karne ka?
Mujhe tumse koi baat nahi karni!
Byeee!!

Train 5 minute LATE ho gayi hai:

1 Baccha apni toy train se khel raha tha or bar bar bol raha tha"jinkutto" ko chadna hai chad jao, jin 'kameeno' ko utarna hai utar jao.
Baap ne uski train rok k thappad laga diya.
.
.
.
Baccha thodi der ro k chup ho gaya or phir shuru ho gaya"jin kutto ko chadna hai chad jao,jin kameeno ko utarna hai utar jao.
Pehle hi kisi HARAMI ki wajha se Train 5 minute LATE ho gayi hai:

Do u hv any gf?

Toofani barish me raat ko pizza hut pe
1 Ladka pizza lene Gaya
.
Waiter: Do u hv any gf?
.
. .
.
.
Ladka: Kutte is tufani barish me Aur kya
meri MAA pizza lene bhejegi sale kaminey... ;)

Tu Ek Number Ka Tharki He

12 Saal K Ladke Ne 20 Saal Ki LadkiKo Phool Dia
.
.
.
.
Ladki Ne Kiss Dia
.
.
.
Wo Ghabra K Bhaga
.
.
Ladki Ne Pucha: Kya Hua
.
Ladka: Guldasta Le K Aa Raha Hu
.
Ladki:Sale Tu Ek Number Ka Tharki He 

padhne Wale bade Kaminey hai..

FAADU JOKE :D
Dr: Injection dekhte hi tum Chillati ho
.
us din kya Karogi?
.
.
.
Girl: Kis Din......?
.
Dr: Jaane Do,
Ye padhne Wale bade Kaminey hai..

gala baith gaya tha kya....??

Ek ladka TRAIN me chadne laga
Akashwani hui:
"Isme mat chad
ye patri se utar jayegi"
.
PLANE me chadne laga Aawaj aayi "Ye
crash ho jayega"
.
BUS me aawaj aayi
"Ye khai me gir jayegi"
.
Ladka gusse se-"Kaun hai...?"

Aawaz aai-"GOD" .

Ladka-"Engineering me jab admission
le raha tha, tab
tumhara gala baith gaya tha
kya....???

FM Radio Le Le

Ladki- Muje Aisa Pati Chaiye Jo Achi
Bate Kre, HasiMazak Kre Or Raat Ko
Muje Gaane Sunaye
.
.
Ladka-Pati Ka Khwab Mt Dekh,Ek FM
Radio Le Le. ♥ ♥

tigdik tigdik tigdik

Doctor pagal se- Ye kya hai?

Pagal- Ye maine 500 panno ki kitab likhi hai...

Doctr- Tumne 500 panno pe kya likha?

Pagal: 1st page pe likha hai 1 raja ghode par baith ke jungal ki taraf chala, aur akhri page pe likha ke wo raja jungle pahuch gaya..

Doctor- To Kaminey!
Bich ke 498 panno pe kya likha?

Pagal- tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik..

LadkiyaDupatta Kyun Pahnti Hai

Teacher Ne Class Mein Pappu Se
Pucha
Teacher: “Batao LadkiyaDupatta
Kyun
Pahnti Hai?”

Pappu: “Mam, Science Ki Wajah
Se”
Teacher: “Wo Kaisi”
Pappu: “Kyunki Science Bhi Is
BaatKo
Manti Hai Ki Khane Peene Ki Cheezo
Ko
Dhakk Kar Rakhna Chahiye“. . . .

Super Killer Joke

Boy and girl are sitting..
.
2 dogs kissed each
other
.
Boy- jaanu agar tum bura Na
mano to main bhii??????
.
Girl- ok, par sambhal ke..,
kahi
kutta kaat na le.

INDIA ki politics

1 Bar Obama, Manmohan,
Sonia
aur
Aishwrya
Train Me the.
Tbhi 1 Gufa Ayi Or Kissing aur
Jhapad
Ki awaj
Ayi.
Jb train bahar Ayi to
Obama ka Gaal
Laal tha,
... sb k sb chup.
Sonia soch rhi thi K ,Obama
Ne
Aish ko Kiss
Kiya Hoga,
Or thapad khaya Hoga.
.
Aish soch rhi thi K Obama
ne Muje
Kiss Krne k
Liye glti se Sonia Ko Kiss
Kiya hoga
aur
jhapad
Khaya.
.
Obama soch rha tha K
Manmohan
ne
Aish ko
kiss kiya Lekin aish ne
Muje Smja aur
muje
Jhapad Mara..
.
Manmohan soch rha tha 1
bar fir
gufa Aye aur
Mai kiss ki awaj Nikal kr fir
Obama
ko
Jhapad
Maru. Abhi isne INDIA ki politics
dekhi
kha
Hai.. :)))

Ladko Ka Dil

Aapko Pata Hai?
.
Ladko Ka Dil Mandir Ki Tarah Pavitra Hota Hai,
.
Isliye To, Jab Ladke “
I Love You” Kahte Hai,
.
To Ladkiyaan Apni Sandal Utar Leti Hai 

Fair & Lovely Hai Na

Maa- Nalayak,
Kaha Thi Itni Raat Tak??

Beti- Boyfrnd ke Saath..!

Maa-Kar Aayi Na Muh Kala??

Beti-To Kya Hua Maa ?
Fair & Lovely Hai Na...!!

Moral of D Story

Ek Ladke Ko Apni ClassfellowSe Pyar Ho
Gya. 

Ladke Ne Use Propose Kiya,

Lekin Ladki
Ne Inkar Kar Diya

Aur Teacher Ko Uski Complain Kardi. Teacher Ne Kafi Danta Or 1 Week Ke
Liye Class Se NikalDiya.

Jab Ladka 1 Week Baad Wapis Class Me
Gya To Ladki ko Usse Love Ho Gya.

Ladki Ne Uski Kitab Pe Likha “I Am Sorry & I Love You 2”..

Ladke Ne Koi Response NahiDiya. Isi Trah 2 Saal Guzar Gye...

Iske Baad
Bhi Ladke Ne Koi Response Nahi
Diya...!!
.
.
Moral of D Story
. .
. .
.
.
.
. . .
.
Kabhi Kitab Kholi Hoti tbhi to responce
krta na...…

Arre o romance ki bhuki

Girl demanded for icecream.

Boy purchased it. 

Girl: thnk u.
.
Boy:sirf thnk u
.
Girl:U want to kiss na?
.
Boy: Arre o romance ki bhuki..
Aadhi icecream de 

High Level Insult

1 LARKA park mai bench pe betha 1 k bad 1 chocolate kha rha tha. . . . 


Pas bethi LARKI boli: Jo ziada metha khatay hen wo jaldi mar jatay hen. . .


Boy: ap ko malum hay meri dadi ki age 106 saal thi. . . 


Larki: wo metha kam khati hongi. . . . . . 


Boy: nahi, Wo apny kaam se kaam rakhti thi. 

Bol mera baccha

GIRL- My janu, 
My baby,
 Mera Baccha, 
My sweetu,


 My golu.. kya tum mujhse shadi karoge? .


 Bol mera baccha. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 






BOY- Arre kamini, propose kar rahi hai ya goed le rahi hai? :P :D

Amitabh public toilet me

Amitabh public toilet me se pura bhig k
aata hai.
Jaya:aap to susu krne gye the?
Amitabh: Jaise hi mai ander gya, koi
bola "BIG B" aur sab meri aour ghum
gaye. 

Injured Patient

POLICE To Injured Patient:

Jab Car Ek Lady Chala Rahi Thi, To Tumhe Road Se Dur Chalna Chahiye Tha.
.
.
.
.
.

PATIENT: Kaun Sa Road!
Bhai Mein To Park Mein Leta Tha.!=))

ENGINEER

HAAR HAAR ke jitne walo ko
Baazigar kehte h wah Wah...

HAAR HAAR ke jitne walo ko
Baazigar kehte h wah wah ...
.
. .
.
.
Aur
.
.
Fail ho ho ke
Pass hone walo ko

ENGINEER kehte hai.. 

Oye gadhe

Dunia mein har insan ka kuch na kuch naam hai.

magar bheed mein jab hum awaz lagate hai.

Oye gadhe!!

Kasam se 20 mein se 18 palat kar dekhte hai. 

Santa & Marwadi

Marwadi: Chal Race lagaate hai,
Jo haara wo Rs1000 dega.

Santa: Thik hai par mujhe rasta nahi pata...

Marwadi:Bas tu mere PICHHE-PICHHE rehna!

Santa : THANX YAAR =D =))

Boys will always be Boys

Girl (in train) :- can i sit here?
.
Boy :- it all urs :)
.
Girl :-Awwwww!♥!
Thank you!♥!
.
Boy: most welcome!♥! :)
.
Girl: can i take some water?
.
Boy :- my pleasure!♥!
.
Girl :- Bhaiya agla station kaun sa hai ?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Boy :- mere baap ne mere dimag
me koi GPS fit nhi kiya hai,
jaldi seat khali ker mujhe neend aa rahi hai.

अतुल्य भारत !!

U.S.A.- हमारे डॉग फुटबाल खेलते है
जापान - हमारी मछलियां डांस करती है
चाइना - हमारे हाथी साइकिल चलते है
भारत - हमारे गधे सरकार चलाते है #

studnts of different standards

1st and 2nd standard students - Hey! I studied everything for xam!
.
3rd and 4th std- Hey! Dat Question was very hard, so I left only dat qstn!
.
5th n 6th std- Hey! I read only important qstns!
.
7th n 8th std- I think 4 chapters r enough 2 pass!
.
9th n 10th std- Kal xam kaunsa hai yaar.?
.
N in college-
.
.
Kamino!! Bata toh dete aaj paper hai, mere paas toh pen bhi nahi hai..!!;)

कॉमेडी सर्कस के कपिल शर्मा को राष्ट्रपति बनाने के फायदे

१.अपना काम (कॉमेडी) ईमानदारी से करता है
२.ऐसे व्यंग्य बाण छोड़ेगा कि कोई राष्ट्रपति का मज़ाक नहीं उडाएगा 
३.हँसते हुए चेहरे से वर्तमान राष्ट्रपति की मनहूसियत से मुक्ति दिलाएगा 
४.इतने पार्टनर बदल चुका है कि कभी भी कांग्रेस छोड़ने से कोई दुःख नहीं होगा 
५.जब शून्या कहेगी-"बकवास बंद करो और ये बताओ" तो उसे सुमोना की याद आयेगी और उसके भी मज़े ले लेगा !

Maa boli Me teri dost hu

Ladki apne room me bethi zor zor se ro rahi thi
.
.
.
Maa ne dekha to uske paas aayi
Aurr boli -
Kya hua beti?
Mujhe bata Me teri dost hu
.
.
.
.
.
Ladki boli-
Kya batau yaar
Apne wale se milne gayi thi,
Tere wale ne dekh liya to muje bahut maara

Kamine Ladke

Mobile Rings -

Boy - Hello

GF - Janu I am in market, 
kya mai 50000 ka gold set le lu?

Boy - haan janu le lo.

GF - Silk suit bhi jo 5500 ki h?

Boy - 1 nahi, 2-4 lelo.

GF - Ok dear tumhara cedit card mere pas hai,
usi se le rhi hu.

Boy - haan theek hai.

Sare dost: Tu pagal hai ya tujhe chadh gai hai,
Ya tu hame btana chata k tu g.f ko kitna chahta he.

Boy - Wo sab chodho,
pehle ye batao ki ye MOBILE KISKA HAI!!.

मनमोहन

मनमोहन-मैडम क्या मैं कुछ बोल सकता हूँ...

सोनिया- तुम 7 शब्द बोल चुके हो तुम्हारा आज का कोटा खत्म अब तुम कल बोलना :))

@kahani me twist@

Girl: aj mere heart ka operation hai
.
Boy: pata hai . !
.
Girl: I love u .
.
Boy: mai bhi b0ht pyar krta hun tum se.
.
Opreshan k bad jab larki ko hosh aya
to sirf uska baap khara tha.
.
Girl: wo kahan hai ? .

Father: tumhe ni pata tumhe dil kisne dia ?
.
Girl: what ?
Or zor zor se rone lagi.
.
@kahani me twist@

Father: mazak kar raha hun Bahar khada samose
kha raha h .. :D :P

ca student

A ca student found 100 rs.

He went to 5 star hotel fr dinner
bill-3000
manager handed him to police
he gv 100 to policeman nd free
.
.
ths is a financial management..

These Girls. . . ufff !

An angry girl went to a electronic shop and threw her new laptop on the desk at a person from whom she bought.

She told the salesman that you have... cheated me.

I cannot transfer file to my previous laptop...

Salesman~ Madam, can you please try infront of me.

This is what She did~
1~ Right clicked the mouse on the file which she wanted to transfer and selected CUT option.

2~ Disconnected the mouse from that PC.

3~ Took the m0use carefuly thn connected it to her previous laptop...

4~ thus aftr connectng the mouse she clicks the paste button and no action performed!

Salesman died

translation ki wajah se fail hogya

Santa english me fail hogya translation ki wajah se..

1.) mein ek aam admi hu.
I am a mango man.

2.)mujhe English aati hai.
english comes to me.

3.) mera talluq haripur hazara se hai.
i belong to green pur thousanda.

4.) sadak par goliya chal rahi hai.
tablets are walking on the road...

I m Also Lesbian

Santa to Girl - I Love You Mein
Tumse Bahut Pyaar karta hun...

Girl - I Am Lesbian.

Santa - Lesbian Means??

Girl - Jis ko Ladkiyo Mein interest ho.

Santa - De Taaali I m Also Lesbian.