अतुल्य भारत !!

U.S.A.- हमारे डॉग फुटबाल खेलते है
जापान - हमारी मछलियां डांस करती है
चाइना - हमारे हाथी साइकिल चलते है
भारत - हमारे गधे सरकार चलाते है #

studnts of different standards

1st and 2nd standard students - Hey! I studied everything for xam!
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3rd and 4th std- Hey! Dat Question was very hard, so I left only dat qstn!
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5th n 6th std- Hey! I read only important qstns!
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7th n 8th std- I think 4 chapters r enough 2 pass!
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9th n 10th std- Kal xam kaunsa hai yaar.?
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N in college-
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Kamino!! Bata toh dete aaj paper hai, mere paas toh pen bhi nahi hai..!!;)

कॉमेडी सर्कस के कपिल शर्मा को राष्ट्रपति बनाने के फायदे

१.अपना काम (कॉमेडी) ईमानदारी से करता है
२.ऐसे व्यंग्य बाण छोड़ेगा कि कोई राष्ट्रपति का मज़ाक नहीं उडाएगा 
३.हँसते हुए चेहरे से वर्तमान राष्ट्रपति की मनहूसियत से मुक्ति दिलाएगा 
४.इतने पार्टनर बदल चुका है कि कभी भी कांग्रेस छोड़ने से कोई दुःख नहीं होगा 
५.जब शून्या कहेगी-"बकवास बंद करो और ये बताओ" तो उसे सुमोना की याद आयेगी और उसके भी मज़े ले लेगा !

Maa boli Me teri dost hu

Ladki apne room me bethi zor zor se ro rahi thi
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Maa ne dekha to uske paas aayi
Aurr boli -
Kya hua beti?
Mujhe bata Me teri dost hu
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Ladki boli-
Kya batau yaar
Apne wale se milne gayi thi,
Tere wale ne dekh liya to muje bahut maara

Kamine Ladke

Mobile Rings -

Boy - Hello

GF - Janu I am in market, 
kya mai 50000 ka gold set le lu?

Boy - haan janu le lo.

GF - Silk suit bhi jo 5500 ki h?

Boy - 1 nahi, 2-4 lelo.

GF - Ok dear tumhara cedit card mere pas hai,
usi se le rhi hu.

Boy - haan theek hai.

Sare dost: Tu pagal hai ya tujhe chadh gai hai,
Ya tu hame btana chata k tu g.f ko kitna chahta he.

Boy - Wo sab chodho,
pehle ye batao ki ye MOBILE KISKA HAI!!.

मनमोहन

मनमोहन-मैडम क्या मैं कुछ बोल सकता हूँ...

सोनिया- तुम 7 शब्द बोल चुके हो तुम्हारा आज का कोटा खत्म अब तुम कल बोलना :))

@kahani me twist@

Girl: aj mere heart ka operation hai
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Boy: pata hai . !
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Girl: I love u .
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Boy: mai bhi b0ht pyar krta hun tum se.
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Opreshan k bad jab larki ko hosh aya
to sirf uska baap khara tha.
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Girl: wo kahan hai ? .

Father: tumhe ni pata tumhe dil kisne dia ?
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Girl: what ?
Or zor zor se rone lagi.
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@kahani me twist@

Father: mazak kar raha hun Bahar khada samose
kha raha h .. :D :P

ca student

A ca student found 100 rs.

He went to 5 star hotel fr dinner
bill-3000
manager handed him to police
he gv 100 to policeman nd free
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ths is a financial management..

These Girls. . . ufff !

An angry girl went to a electronic shop and threw her new laptop on the desk at a person from whom she bought.

She told the salesman that you have... cheated me.

I cannot transfer file to my previous laptop...

Salesman~ Madam, can you please try infront of me.

This is what She did~
1~ Right clicked the mouse on the file which she wanted to transfer and selected CUT option.

2~ Disconnected the mouse from that PC.

3~ Took the m0use carefuly thn connected it to her previous laptop...

4~ thus aftr connectng the mouse she clicks the paste button and no action performed!

Salesman died

translation ki wajah se fail hogya

Santa english me fail hogya translation ki wajah se..

1.) mein ek aam admi hu.
I am a mango man.

2.)mujhe English aati hai.
english comes to me.

3.) mera talluq haripur hazara se hai.
i belong to green pur thousanda.

4.) sadak par goliya chal rahi hai.
tablets are walking on the road...

I m Also Lesbian

Santa to Girl - I Love You Mein
Tumse Bahut Pyaar karta hun...

Girl - I Am Lesbian.

Santa - Lesbian Means??

Girl - Jis ko Ladkiyo Mein interest ho.

Santa - De Taaali I m Also Lesbian.

Ungli me fracture

Santa to Doctor: Poore body me, kahi bhi ungli lagao to dard hota hai.

Doctor- Full body ka Xray karao.
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Xray report:
Ungli me fracture hai.!!

National Symbols

National Robot: Manmohan

National Joke: Ranjikant

National salesman: SRK

National runner: DK Bose

National secret: Sonia Gandhi

National Balm: Zandu

National Struggler: Abhishek Bachchan

National Guests: Kasab, Afzal Guru

National jewelry store: Bappi Lahiri

National waiting : Kareena Saif Wedding.

National Horror: a sequel of Ra-One

National concern: Salman's marriage

National cheek: Sharad Pawar

National slapper: Harbhajan Singh

National Asylum: Big Boss's house

National bird: Twitter

National Palace: Tihar

National Bank: SWISS!!

Teri mummy ko Btaunga

Ldka-I LUV U
Ldki-sry main kisi or se pyar krti hu

Ldka udas ho gya.. phr achanak bhagne laga or bola-
"Teri mummy ko Btaunga."

Ldki-
Ruk Ja kamine.... i LUV U TOO :(

HAMARA b kha kro

Pati-mai tang aa gya hu tum roz
MERA ghar
MERI car
MERA baccha
MERA MERA hi krti ho kbi HAMARA b kha kro
Ab almaari me kya khoj rhi ho?
Wife-HAMARA peticote.

मस्त जोक था

मेरे बॉस ने मुझे एसएमएस किया "बोर हो रहा हूँ। कोई जोक भेजो।"
 मैंने जवाब दिया "सर, अभी मैं काम कर रहा हूँ, बिज़ी हूँ।
" बॉस का जवाब आया "मस्त जोक था, एक और भेजो।"

Mere Pass Sirf 10 Hi Ungli Hai.

Santa's Army Test 
 Pappu- 3+5? 
 Santa- 8 
 Pappu- 7+3? 
 Santa- 10 
 Pappu- 8+8? 
 Santa- Pata Nahi Sir Mere Pass Sirf 10 Hi Ungli Hai.

रोटी नहीं हलवा-पूड़ी

एक भिखारी ने एक घर के दरवाजे पर दस्तक दी। 
एक 37-38 साल की महिला ने दरवाज़ा खोला।
 भिखारी: "एक रोटी दे दो।" 
महिला: "शर्म नहीं आती, इतने हट्ठे-कट्ठे हो, कुछ काम-धाम क्यों नहीं करते?" 
भिखारी: "मैडम, आप भी तो इतनी सुन्दर गोरी-चिट्टी हैं, गजब का फ़िगर है, उम्र भी ज्यादा नहीं है। आप मुंबई जाकर हीरोइन क्यों नहीं बन जातीं?" 
महिला: "ज़रा ठहरो, मैं अभी तुम्हारे लिए हलवा-पूड़ी बना के लाती हूँ।"

BMW

Santa: Mujhe Shadi Me BMW Mili He.
 Banta: Pr Tumhare Pass To Koi Car Nahi He!
 Santa: Abye Ghadhe, BMW Ka Matlab 
 Bahut Motti Wife.

Ram and Ravan

Ram and Ravan were in serious war. Suddenly Ravan saw a man standing behind Ram. Ravan: "Chal OK Bye". Ram: "par kyun?". Ravan: "Kuch nahi bas bye". Ram: " are batao to kya hua?" . . . . . . Ravan:" Tune choti si baat par rajnikant ko bula liya". :-):-)

Chatta Kyun Maara

Pappu ne Cafe main Ek Ladki se "I LOVE U" kaha...

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Ladki ne Maara Chatta Aur Boli "kya Bola Tuuuuu....?!:@"

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Pappu Rote Hue Bola -

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Jab Suna Nahi Tu ne Toh Chatta Kyun Maara.... !!! :(

Pata GHANTE ka nahin hai aur baatein Nuclear power ki karega

Once an Boy (Enginer) was travelling by plane.

Sitting next to a man, he asked for the magazine.

Man ~ Hi, im a scientist.

Boy ~ Hello, I'm an Engineer.

Man ~ Wow! Engineer. Can we discuss on some topic?

Boy ~ Sure.

Man ~ Okay. Tell me something about Nuclear Power.

Boy was silent.

Man ~ Ohhh! So U dnt knw.

Boy ~ Sir first answer my question.

Man ~ Ask.

Boy ~ Mandir mein bhi pooja hoti hai aur church mein bhi pooja hoti hai.

Toh fir Church ka ghanta mandir ke ghante se bada kyu hota hai??

Man ~ I dont know.

Boy ~ Saale!!!... Pata GHANTE ka nahin hai

aur baatein Nuclear power ki karega.

लव

आओ आज आपको लव के बारे मे बताते है ....

जानना चाहते हो लव के बारे में...
तो सुनो ...

।

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लव मर्यादा पुरुषोत्तम श्री रामचन्द्र जी के पुत्र थे ...

अधिक जानकारी के लिए कृपया रामायण पढ़ें
जय श्री राम

todays generation

Baap - Agar Tu Fir Exam me Fail hua,
toh Mujhe Papa Mat Bolna.
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AFTR Exam.
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BAAP - Result kya aaya?
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SON - Dimag ko mat garam kar RAMLAL,
Tune BAAP Hone ka Haq kho Diya hai.

Super Insult

Girl- (in a party) excuse me,
Mere hath me plate he to kya aap mere face par se ek cheez hata sakte ho?

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Boy- (khush hote hue) ha bolo kya kya hatana he?

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Girl- apni kutte jaisi nazre

Multiplication doesnt apply on Zero

A man found Aladin's Lamp.
He askd Ginn to increase his wife's intelligence by ten times..

Ginn Laughed & said "Multiplication doesnt apply on Zero, mere AAKA.."

Engineer sahib kaa ghar konsa hai?

Q. In the year1970-
Engineer sahib kaa ghar konsa hai?

Answer:- Wo jo bada bangla hai, wahin rehte hain!

Q:In the year 2012- Excuse me, Yahan engineer kaa ghar konsa hai?

A:-
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.Abe, kisi bhi ghar me ghus jaa.Ekk naa ekk to hoga.

Brilliant Rahul

राहुल गांधी को कोई मोबाइल पर परेशान करता था। परेशान होकर राहुल गांधी ने नया नंबर ले लिया और नए नंबर से उस परेशान करने वाले नंबर को एसएमएस भेजा -
'मैंने तो वो नंबर ही बंद कर दिया है, अब किसे परेशान करेगा?'

Auraton ko dekhne ka samay 9am-11am

Lady Doctor: Tum roz subah clinic ke bahar
khade ho kar auraton ko kyon ghoorte ho?
Santa: Ji, aap hi ne bahar likha hai: Auraton
ko dekhne ka samay 9am-11am .

Girl vs boy brain.

boy: How many apples can u eat in empty stomach?

girl: I can eat 6 apples

boy: U can eat only 1 apple in empty stomach coz wen you eat d 2nd apple dat's nt in empty stomach

girl- super joke i'll tell my frnd

girl 2 girl: How many aple can you eat in empty stomach?

Othr girl: i can eat 10

girl: hatt yaar 6 bolti toh mast joke sunati.

gadhe ki baat

Ek sahebji ghabraye hue aaye aur biwi se bole: “Begam, aaj main office se aa raha tha ki raste mein ek gadha…!”
Itne mein unki bachhi bol uthi: “Mummy, Shyam ne meri gudiya tod di hai.” Pati ne phirkehna shuru kiya “Haan toh begam, main kehraha tha ki raste mein ek gadha…..!”
Itne mein unka ladka bola: “Mummy, Rita ne meri car tod di hai.”
Biwi ghusse mein aakar boli: “Bhagwan ke liye tum sab chup ho jao, mujhe pehle gadhe ki baat sun lene do..!”

santa-banta

‎1 bar santa-banta 2 ghode kharidte h.
pehchan k liye bnta apne ghode ka 1 kan kat deta h.lekin acicdent me santa ke ghode ka bhi wo hi kaan cut jata h.ab banta apne ghode ki puch kat deta hai.lekin fir se accident me santa ke ghode ki puch cut jati hai
ab ki bar santa apne ghode ki 1 tang tod deta hai lekin fir se banta k ghode ki wohi tang toot jati hai
fir banta kehta h

jane de yaar tera ghoda kala aur mera safed yehi pehchan theek hai.

Awesome Climax

Gujarati, Madrasi and Golu
were doing construction work on the 20th floor of a building.

They were having lunch. As Gujju opened his lunch box
he angrily said,
"Dhokla! If I get dhokla onemore time for lunch,
I'm going to jump off this building."

The Madrasi opened his lunchbox and exclaimed,
"Idli Sambhar... again!
If I get idli sambhar one more time I'm going to jump off too."

Golu opened his lunch and shouted with anger,
"Parontha again!
If I get a parontha one moretime, I'm jumping too."

The next day, the Gujju opened his lunch box,
saw dhokla, and jumped to death.

The Madrasi opened his lunch,
saw idli sambhar, and jumped,too.

Golu opened his lunch,saw the parontha and
jumpe to his death as well.

At the funeral, Gujju's wife was weeping.
She said, "If I'dknown how really tired he was of dhokla,
I never would have given it to him again!"

The Madrasi's wife also wept and said,
"I could have given him dossa!
I didn't realize he hated idli sambhar so much."

Everyone turned to Golu's wife.
Golu's wife said,..........
."Don't look at me. He makes
his own lunch

sukh agli generation nhi le payegi

MAA ke aanchal me sone ka sukh agli generation nhi le payegi,
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Qki JEANS pehenne wali MAA aanchal kaha se layegi! ;-)

H v/s W

Wife: I m not feeling well.

Husband: ohhoo! I was thinking to go for dinner with u.

Wife: i was joking dear.

Husband: Me too honey, chal uth roti paka shabaash.

Sabse Bada Kaun?

Ek Sharabi full tight hokar ghar jaa raha tha..

Raaste me mandir ke baahar pujari dikha. Sharabi n pujari se poocha, sabse bada kaun? 

Pujaari ne peecha chudane ke liye kaha "Mandir Bada".. 

Sharabi bola "Mandir bada toh dharti pe kaise khada"

Pujari: "Dharti badi"
... Sharabi: "Dharti badi toh Sheshnaag pe kyun khadi"

Pujari: "Sheshnaag bada"
Sharabi: "Sheshnaag bada toh Shiv ke gale me kyon pada"

Pujari: "Shiv bada"
Sharabi: "Shiv bada toh Parwat par kyon khada"

Pujari: "Parwat bada"
Sharabi: "Parwat bada toh Hanuman ki ungli pe kyon pada"

Pujari: "Hanuman bada"
Sharabi: "Hanuman bada toh Ram ki charno me kyon pada"

Pujari: "Ram bada"
Sharabi: "Ram bada toh Ravan ke piche kyun pada"

Pujari: "Arey mere baap tu bata kaun bada"
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Sharabi: "Is duniya me woh bada jo puri bottle pee ke apni taango pe khada" ;)

Narad JI ki Jai

NARADA SAYS :
If ur lover sends u romantic msgs den be vry happy,
But think who is sending those msgs to ur lover?
My job is ovr.
Narayana,Narayana.
Kep smlng

Today Girl

One day 3 boyz proposed a grl 
1st:i cn die 4 u..
grl:evry1 said that

2nd:i cn brng star 4 u
grl: old dialog

3rd: i wil close my fb acc for u.
Girl: deal...!!

Jai Kisaan

SANTA :Jab insan ko Zidagi me koi problem ho to kis k pas jana chahiye???

BANTA :Kisaan k pas.
SANTA :Kyu??
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BANTA :kyoki kisaan k pas HAL hota ha.